A mother's arms are more comforting than anyone else's

In preparation for breast-feeding the Turkey, I've been reading The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding. It's been a great read and has given me some insight into why I may have had trouble with Nathan. I was never able to breastfeed Nathan, despite 2 weeks of trying, using a special tube system that would put the formula through a tube that was taped to my breast (so he would not get used to a bottle) and pumping constantly. My milk simply "never came in". It was an exhausting, depressing and defeating experience. Nonetheless, I mean to try again with baby #2 in the desperate hopes that it will work.

But, my favorite part of this book is really the way it describes the concept of "mothering". It's a concept that I think is lost on a lot of women today. Many women seem to think that simply the act of being pregnant and giving birth makes them a mother. I know many women who wear this like a badge when they fail to get down and dirty and do the day-to-day hard work. I feel like there is such a huge gap between what "mothering" is today and what it was 100 years ago. Don't get me wrong, I like the trend of dads helping out and being more involved and I definitely treasure Nathan's close relationship with his Daddy. That's a change in mothering I don't mind seeing, at all. But this trend of sending your kids off to be raised by strangers while you trot off to your oh-so-important career is downright offensive to every fiber of my Mama-being. Sure, your kid may be getting "standard" day care and their very basic needs met, but they aren't being mothered. Mothering involves the little stuff, the discipline, the snuggles, the "hey Mama, lookit what I can do"s and yes, I'm sorry, but it involves caring for the home. I worked for a very short time last year, as y'all know, and I only worked when Nathan was either at school or at home with his Dad. Nonetheless, I felt like I was missing out on so much by not being here, not being home, not caring for the home (which in turn cares for my husband and my son) that I was flat out miserable. The little money I was bringing in wasn't worth the drain it was taking on my life and my time with my family.

As I get ready to bring baby #2 into the world, here in 6(ish) short months, I am so thankful I'll be home and won't miss out on a single thing, not one whimper or giggle or smile or milestone.

"Good mothering means babying the baby, accepting that his wants and needs are the same. It includes holding him when he is too full to nurse, but is not ready to sleep. Mothering is changing a diaper or playing peek-a-boo."
"The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding"

When you teach your son, you teach your son's son.

I suppose it's pretty well documented that I'm a bit of a nutter, right? So I suppose it's not really any surprise that the other night when the NPN's boy out of the blue knocked on the door and asked if he could play with Nathan, I was a bit...verklempt. I don't remember anyone ever knocking on my door when I was a child and asking if I could play. My primary goal in raising Nathan (besides the obvious, safe, happy, loved, etc) is for him to be well-liked, to be accepted, to be okay with whoever he is and to have friends who are okay with that too. That's why when I saw how many people showed up to celebrate his birthday party, I had to take a moment to breathe and get control. That's why when his friends at school run over to hug him before he goes home, I almost always have a lump in my throat.

I was a wildly unpopular, often teased kid as I grew up. I had almost no friends with whom to spend time and truthfully just spent a lot of time being alone. I hated it. One of my biggest fears out of all this infertility nonsense is that Nathan will grow up lonesome without having had a sibling or twenty around to occupy his time. I realize that there are other, probably better, goals for a parent to have when bringing up their child. But don't you think that all parents try to fix the one area of their childhood that was painful to them so that their child doesn't have the same experience?

"I can't go back and label myself as an outcast because I was a pretty well-adjusted kid, but I can certainly relate to the feeling of being an outsider. "
--Lasse Hallstrom

Toughness is not being a bully

Dr Phil is talking about bullying today. One of the girls he's talking with who has been bullied lives in New Mexico. When *I* lived in NM I was bullied constantly. Being picked on, insulted and made fun of shaped who I am. I have a real hate-on in my heart for bullying. I have talked at length with Nathan about bullying already. For one, I have taught him that there are two things in this world you are to be to others NO MATTER WHAT. You are to always be kind and always be polite. I think just instilling those two qualities can go a long way into preventing bullying. I have also discussed with Nathan that no one is to ever hurt him and if anyone hurts him or hurts his feelings, he should tell me so that I can fix it. I've reiterated so many times that protecting him and caring for him is my job, that sometimes he tells me "I'm totally safe, my mama makes sure of that".

But, and I think this is the important part, I've also talked at length with him about what to do if he sees OTHERS being bullied. You see I don't think it's enough to teach kids what to do if they're being bullied or how cruel it is to be a bully (and how if your mama catches you being a bully, she's likely goin to put you in the oven and roast you). I think if we can start teaching kids how to handle the situation when their peers are being bullied, it teaches a couple of important lessons. For one it teaches them to be conscious of other people's feelings. Secondly, it gives them a plan of action for what to do in that situation. They go into it not wondering what the proper thing to do is. We all learned in younger years that role-playing what to do can be helpful in peer pressure situations. Finally, having a plan of attack in a situation like that makes it far less likely that your child will fall into bullying as just kind of a "well I didn't know what else to do" type of thing.

"When a resolute young fellow steps up to the great bully, the world, and takes him boldly by the beard, he is often surprised to find it comes off in his hand, and that it was only tied on to scare away the timid adventurers. "
Ralph Waldo Emerson