Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning

I always thought that I would have more children, that Nathan was the first of many and the "fluke" about this whole situation was that we were having so much trouble getting pregnant again. It suddenly occurred to me the other day that there will be no more babies born for us and that the REAL fluke was that I was blessed enough to give birth to Nathan. People keep telling me I should be thankful that I have Nathan and I always have been. But I was looking at it from an entirely different perspective. This has given me so much peace.

Now comes the part where you may begin to think I'm a little bit of a nutter. I'm okay with that, this is important. I had a bit of a revelation last week. Part revelation, part vision. The first part is what I said above about Nathan and additionally that I believe God gave me Nathan so that I could realize my talents as a mom so I can be available to kids who need a loving mama. Adoption has, of course, always been an option and an idea I was comfortable with. But I'm starting to very seriously believe it's my destiny. Now here's the vision part. I had an image of myself in Heaven. Jesus was there, of course, and I was following him around the place. My "job" such as it was, was to comfort the babies. Now I know there's no sin, no stress, no sorrow, no darkness of any kind in heaven. But babies still need rocking to sleep! I have felt so at peace about being infertile ever since I've had this revelation/vision. I'm very cool with not having any more babies to rock in this lifetime, if I get to rock them for an eternity with our Lord. I know it sounds crazy, and maybe it is, but it gives *ME* peace about a really lousy situation, so who cares if it's crazy?

"He hideth my life in the depths of His love and covers me there with His hand"
- "He hideth my soul" from our hymnal