Do you ever have those lightbulb God moments? You know what I mean, right? The ones where God has basically said "ahem, could you listen to me please, I'm telling you something important here!" and you listen and realize God's answering questions you've been asking for months? It was one of those moments last night at church.
It's no secret that my hubby and I are struggling with infertility. We're being treated by a fertility doc and just trying to expand our family. It's been a long, frustrating process and, I'm not going to lie, I've strayed farther from God than I ever thought possible. I'm new to Christ, having been an "atheist" all my life until the last 6 or 8 years. This is the first major trial we've dealt with since I found God in my life. I mean, there was the miscarriage, sure, but God got me through that. My testimony on that is for another post. At times I've felt as if I'm having a crisis of faith while I deal with all this. Simply put, I've felt abandoned. Last night, at the end of the message (which was about Gideon), the Pastor talked about how God will try us before he can use us. I freely admit that I don't know how God means to use me in this life, I'm just not sure how I can help serve Him best, ya know? And that's when it hit me. I'm not supposed to know yet, I'm still being tried. Obviously I've realized this, to a certain extent. But I've never heard it put so well as I did last night, and I'm not going to be able to do it justice trying to repeat it here, but I went to the altar to pray last night and I walked away crying and weak-kneed. I realize I'm not even making a lot of sense. So, let me just say this in closing: "I got it, God. Thanks for making the message so clear".
- Judges6:16 (KJV)