Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Love knows no limits to its endurance...

I saw my fertility doctor this week. I didn't respond at all to the HMG treatment to stimulate my ovaries. This is a complicated process and the details are difficult to understand so I'll just say that my body did not cooperate, of course. My OB believes that there's nothing more he can do for us at this point. So we have two choices at this point, really. We can either see a reproductive endocrinologist (try saying that 3 times fast) in Omaha in 3 or 4 months when he can get us in. Or we can give up. Seeing the specialist of COURSE won't be covered by my insurance so I'm not sure how expensive that would be or what kind of commitment is involved. Right now I'm too busy turning the word "barren" over and over and over in my head to think about nailing down any information. I, obviously, am not doing real well. I spent all day yesterday in bed crying, until hubby came home early to take care of me. It freaks me out when HE'S shaken up. But even he broke down and said, "well we didn't see this coming, did we?".

I appreciate everyone who's been praying for us and would like to ask that they continue to pray for us, for strength if nothing else. I'm getting tired of being told to stay positive, that things happen for a reason, etc. I appreciate how well-meaning these thoughts are, I really really do. But I've been more "up" than "down", more "postive" than "negative" for the last 4 years of trying to conceive. I have put my body through hell, and now I'm tired. I just want someone to tell me it's okay to wallow in my misery for a while.

Anyway, I'm going to tackle some major home improvement projects for the time being, in the hopes that that will keep me from having a complete and total breakdown. Love to all.

"God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. (Psalm 46:1)

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