1. If you live in a home with only one bathroom, always ask if your wife needs to use it before you do.
2. Nightly backrubs mean more than flowers, chocolates, diamonds or gold.
3. There will come a time when you will get into trouble, serious trouble, for eating the last of the cheese/pickles/cereal/green beans. There is nothing you can do about this except offer to go get more.
4. Your wife is not sleeping. She's not even almost sleeping. You should, therefore, never comment on how tired you are.
5. Offering to clean the toilet so she has a "clean place to throw up" will earn you more points than any other act, including nightly backrubs.