It's an interesting sensation to be building a new love, while still sifting through the ashes of old love and doing it all while enjoying the unconditional love a Mama has for her sons.
All at once you're experiencing the emotions of falling madly, passionately, truly, deeply in love. You've got the dizziness and the rapid heart rate, the giddy anticipation of a phone call or an email or a kiss. But before you can settle in and enjoy it too much, you have to pause for a moment to catch your breath because the grief can sneak up on you, too. It's always there, you know. It lurks around a corner, behind a benign comment from a friend or a ridiculous detail you never thought you'd have to worry about.
And in the middle of all that, of all the chaos, both good and bad, there's your boys. There's bedtime and snuggles and reading The Hobbit and meals and bathtime and help with homework and Mama can we just snuggle a while?
And it's all love. Everything from the grief to the soft nuzzle of a baby's cheek, from the electric kiss of your lover to the sweet hug of your 8 year old. And I suppose it's the only thing that makes life worthwhile, even when it's hard to see through the pain.